Never, never, ever rely on MsWord autocorrection in any kind of correspondence, especially not in job-applications:

"Revolved customer problems and inquiries." Just what every employer is
looking for -- an expert in passing the buck.

"Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts." Sales managers aren't likely to be impressed with this self-proclaimed underachiever.

"Dramatically increased exiting account base, achieving new company record." If customer accounts were leaving in droves as this statement implies, it's probably fair to assume that this candidate also tanked as a top sales producer.

"Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget." Every hiring
manager is searching for employees who exceed budgets by millions of
dollars. Yeah, right.

"Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations." Either this
person is showcasing compulsively stubborn management qualities, or he has a challenging product packaging/storage problem.

"Participated in the foamation of a new telecommunications company." This
job seeker was also in charge of bubble control.

"Promoted to district manger to oversee 37 retail storefronts." This is a
common resume typo. There must be literally thousands of mangers looking for jobs in today's modern world.

"Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned
professionals." Many of us have had a boss like this at some point in our
careers, but you usually don't find them being so up-front about their
leadership inadequacies.

"I am seeking a salary commiserate with my training and experience." There are a couple problems with this statement. To begin with, salary
requirements don't belong on a resume. Secondly, a salary should be
"commensurate" with experience (meaning proportionate to), not "commiserate" with (meaning to express sympathy for).

"Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement." Sounds like
a fun job.

 

It really hurts the eyes, doesn't it?

(Bob van der Linden)